Full Disclosure: this actually happened last year and the memory of it popped up in my Facebook notifications today. Enjoy!
Y’all, I did a bad thing. I bought the alarm clock designed by Satan’s sadistic intern. It’s so effed up that I’m positive Satan wouldn’t take credit for it.
It started out fine. The idea was sound. “Wake up gently to natural light and the soothing sounds of nature feeling refreshed and energized!”
Who doesn’t want that? My commute takes, on average, 1.75 hours every morning by the time I get Z to school and me to work. I could *use* some refreshment, dang it! Plus, I had some whisky last night while catching up on Outlander and I knew a gentle wakeup would be just the ticket! Look at me! Self-care!
This morning rolled around, my slumber was peaceful. My new alarm clock went off. The cacophony of bad spa music and metallic sounding bird noises 2 feet from my head jarring me awake. (Fun Bex Fact: I hate birds). I open my eyes and I’m staring DIRECTLY INTO THE SUN. The fireball of horror is shining brightly next to my face, illuminating my room in violent white light. I am awake. I am confused. I feel immediately slightly ill. My attempts to silence the hellish tweeting are successful, briefly, but the shining sun refused to dim. It glares on–taunting me.
I stumble out of bed, partially blinded and head for the safety of the bathroom. The sweet darkness calling to me. I close the door and breathe a sigh of relief–letting my terrified eyes rest. There is a knock. The ominous sound of tinny tweets and a bassoon is getting closer. WTAF, Amazon! Why do you sell me things obviously possessed?!
I crack the door open and the light is shining malevolently at me, held by none other than my sweet in-house ray of sunshine.
“Mommy! Your new alarm clock is super cool! It’s time to get up!”
You win this round, evil intern.
If anyone wants an alarm clock… I’ve got one available cheap!
Good morning, friends.
Now I love me a good Satan product as much as the next Satanist, but this made me LOL 😂
You have WAYYY more patience than me I would have hit that thing with a God damn hammer. Just to clarify, I meant the alarm clock, not the child.
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LOL I have categorized this as one of my worst life choices and I mean, after my 20’s….that’s saying something. 😂😄
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I hear ya!! The day I’m having I sorta miss my 20s lol
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Thanks for the laugh!
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Thanks for stopping by!! ✨
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ROFL ok that was really funny LOL Time to get rid of it Bekah! LOLOL
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I totally dropped it in the bin immediately. It was so bad! ✨
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LOLOL
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Haha! Yes! Who needs an alarm clock when we have our own lil ones in the form of our kids?
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Soooo true. I have mine at least trained to not come in before 0700 now. Thank God. ✨
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Haha..It’s awesome.
What a wonderful post to lighten up the mood.
Thanks for sharing!!
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The humor on your blog and in this post is amazing! Love this post. I apologize I’m not in the market for an alarm clock lol
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